WASHINGTON D.C.—Little did Late Night TV show personality Steven Colbert know, rally sizes do, in fact, determine the next president of the United States. Despite achieving the highest popular vote and legitimate electoral college victory by the Biden-Harris campaign, BTS members were recently sworn-in to serve as the next leaders of the Free World.
“Look, leader RM has a fair point,” said former president-elect Joe Biden. “The mob insurrectionists who stormed the nation’s capital in an ultimate act of white privilege doesn’t represent America – or at least represent the worst parts of it. But you know who brings out the best of American virtues?” Diamondback Joe questioned as he pushed up an additional pair of aviator sunglasses on top of the aviator sunglasses already on his face, “BTS.”
Face-mask-wearing ARMY fans of BTS were later found enjoying a complimentary concert at the National Mall – making it the largest swearing-in ceremony of the nation’s history.
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