IRAQ—According to distinguished Twitter scholars – who have, like, hella Twitter followers on their ARMY fandom accounts – recent archeological evidence has emerged which traces the Mesopotamian invention of music to the 21st century boy group BTS. Claiming that the peak measure of artistic human achievement wouldn’t have been available at the dawn of human civilization, expert ARMYs suggest that the emergence of music was only possible through BTS’ direct influence.
“Bach, Beethoven, Beetles, BIG BANG? What? I don’t know her. There’s no way those groups would be as popular if it weren’t for BTS paving the way first,” explained one BTS ARMY Twitter scholar who had spent the better half of the last two years obsessively following the group’s digital trail.
At the time of this writing, the Tweet-explanation had received over 30,000 retweets and 50,000 likes.
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